To be honest, I don’t like doing that. I do it when I feel like I have to—usually, when there’s an absolute dearth of stories and/or on the rare occasions I’m busy on the weekend and can’t write stuff Saturday morning itself. Two of those occasions occurred last month, but before that I think I’d only done it 2-3… Read more

Nah, ‘sgotta be BUSCH. *crosses self* Read more

Congratulations: you’ve made my sympathize with Patriots fans for maybe the first time ever. Read more

Aaaand just saw this has already been clarified. Read more

Actually, yes! They’re moderately edible now! They’re at least a step up from Pizza Hut and Papa John’s, which admittedly is like being the kindest guy at the Republican National Convention, but still. Read more

It’s not even necessarily higher skill-cap talents that get locked away, either; it’s just whichever talents happen to be on the bottom. Read more

Completely agree. I thought this was silly before I was 25, and now I think it’s even sillier. Read more

If you are actually calling it “fizzy drink,” you are the silliest human beings on the planet. Read more

White sauce and other options are generally only available at more upscale restaurants Read more

I’m amazed they don’t look at you like you’re crazy when you say “soda.” Isn’t Minnesota deep in the heart of Pop Territory? Read more

There actually IS a reason for this, though: typically when it’s that dead, there’s only one server working, and the host doesn’t want to make the server run from one end of the restaurant to the other unnecessarily. Read more

Eh, regardless of the setting, I generally find cod to be just kind of...there. Not bad, exactly—again, I don’t hate it—it’s just boring as shit and the texture is annoying at best. It’s almost non-food. Read more

SAVE THREAD. Alright, fight immediately over. Read more

We had a Boylan’s fountain at one place I worked. People had no fucking idea how to handle it. It was amazing. Read more

The only possible excuse for this is if you’re a middle-aged Dad. Read more

And that there’s more than one way to cook eggs. RECOMMENCE THE EGG WARS, BRING IT, MOTHERFUCKERS. Read more

It was tongue in cheek. Read more

See, I’ll be honest: I don’t like cod. I don’t hate it or refuse to eat it or anything, but it’s bland as hell and falls apart when you look in its general direction. I know cod is standard in fish and chips, but the few times I’ve had it with something else (most frequently when the restaurant ran out of cod and… Read more

Because your kid isn’t the fucking devil? Read more

Pockets in Arizona are either calling it “cocola” or “lemonade,” and I swear to God this (and everything else in Arizona) has to be the result of fallout from 1940’s nuclear tests. Read more