Valentine’s Day is, inarguably, a very stupid holiday born of capitalism for the obvious purpose of corporations profiting off people’s romantic imaginations.
Still, it often forces most of us for just once a year, to really consider what’s happening in this current moment in our romantic lives. Perhaps you’ve recently been dumped in year three of a global pandemic (not ideal!). Maybe you’re married and extremely tired of being trapped in the same small space with the same person, day after day, even if you love said person deep down. Or, possibly, you’re knee-deep in a state of limerence and excited to share your annoyingly passionate feelings about your new partner with the world on social media.
I’ll be candid: The Jezebel team does not give a shit about your romantic status as it relates to February 14, a deeply unremarkable day. So, since everyone will be talking about eros this week, we’d like to take the opportunity to explore another, more interesting and adjacent feeling, experienced universally by those single and partnered alike: horniness. Now, Jez has given you some primo horndog content in the form of our Summer Crush series last year, where we delved into the wonderful world of himbos. This time around, we’re getting grittier.
Horniness, as sexpert Chelsea G. Summers articulately explains in her history of the word, is the “deep-seated, itchy, essentially unslakable bodily keening for sex.” Humans are animals, after all: Horniness animates our reproductive inclinations. It makes us do incredibly stupid, reckless things. It holds us back while also giving us a reason to live. And we want to talk to about it.
So, for Jezebel’s Horny Week series, we will dive into these moments — the regrettable decisions we’ve made, guided by our nether regions. The moments that first made us horny in life. The situations that should potentially make us horny, but for whatever reason do not. The horniest moments in Super Bowl history. The horny people who took it too far, and thus belong in Horny Jail.
It’s horny time. Let’s get weird.
A Meaty Look At Pop Culture’s Dicksplosion
By Gabrielle Bruney
The Moment a Pop Star Becomes Undeniably Horny
By Rich Juzwiak
What The Hell Is Going On With Male Birth Control
By Susan Rinkunas
These People Belong in Horny Jail
By Jezebel Staff
Would U? Megan Fox as The Demon In ‘Jennifer’s Body’
By Emily Leibert
‘Pride & Prejudice’ Is Not a Graceful Period Piece. It’s a Raunchy Sex Movie.
By Sarah Rense
The Moment We Realized We Were Horny
By Jezebel Staff
Who Are the Most Tender Lovers of the Animal Kingdom?
By Rich Juzwiak
The Super Bowl’s Horniest Moments
By Emily Leibert
The Unbearable Horniness of Getting Sober
By Danielle Tcholakian
Fury-Pegging the Colonizer
By Anonymous
The Worst Dates We’ve Ever Been On
By Jezebel Staff
These Sex Situations from Film and TV Are Definitely Uncomfortable
By Jezebel Staff