TikTok Is Not Handling This Election Very Well

There is a very specific sort of psychic damage that TikTok inflicts on a person, a threat that is often exacerbated by current events like the ongoing election. Over time, I have built up a resistance to the brainwaves this app sends through my phone to torture and punish me, but over the last 48 hours, these safeguards have been utterly obliterated.

The denizens of TikTok are, quite obviously, not handling things very well at the moment. From misinformation to misguided views about Florida and Texas, the app has devolved into pure electoral chaos this week—even more than when Trump attempted to delete the app off the internet earlier this year.

In an attempt to capture this moment in internet history, I went spelunking through the various corners of TikTok, on an alt-account I normally use to keep tabs on cosplayers and evangelical future tradwives. (In many ways, they both represent the hidden psyche of the modern American conscious.) Now, looking back at that decision, I genuinely wish I had done literally anything else.

Jezebel philosopher Hazel Cills once said: “There Are Only 3 Moods: Lobotomy Please, Asteroid Take Me Now, I Hope I Get Abducted By Aliens.” Right now, I’m at “lobotomy please,” but I wouldn’t mind an asteroid either.

Below is just a small slice of the mania I consumed before irreparably damaging my brain forever. This post will likely be updated when I return to the watering hole for more!

Turn off the TV and do some breathing exercises!

Something something sleep paralysis demons something something why does Biden’s wig look like that:

Wait for it:

It’s nice to have dreams:

I mean, OK... sure!

Lots of theories about Melania’s voting preferences:

Makes you think:

Unsurprisingly, a large swathe of TikTok has extremely bad and reductionist views about the South and also Florida:

This is probably applicable to plenty of people:

Everyone is still horny for the mail:

Now taking volunteers to hit me in the head as hard as humanly possible:

Good to have a hobby:

False! Dogs are Republicans:

Ok, maybe not this dog:

Geography is nice:

I think Biden is a bit too frail to be swinging a lightsaber around:

I have found a new enemy:

Turn off the TV:

It’s maybe good for people to remember that Philly is under occupation from the National Guard, and they were just under curfew after police murdered Walter Wallace Jr.!

Math is nice:

Lots of misguided and earnest liberals riling up the teenagers:

I would like a lobotomy:

This person ignores how largely Republican huge swathes of California is:

Ugh:

People are still making “Mike Pence’s Conversion Camp” jokes:

I’m wishing for death again: