We’ve made it to Season 12, dolls. A season that, for once, seems to promise answers, bombshells and whodunits. With the return of Robert Kardashian and former Laker Lamar Odom, it’s beginning to feel a lot like 2010. There’s a lot to dive into so I won’t keep you waiting. Welcome back and #LEGGO.
On Sunday night’s episode, the A-plot was Khloe Kardashian’s press tour, the B-plot was Rob and his new girlfriend Blac Chyna, and the C-plot was a backdoor pilot for Kris and Scott Take Calabasas.
Scene 2: Filmed on January 21, 2016
Kris Jenner joins her youngest Kardashian daughter, Khloe, at Khloe’s closely estranged husband Lamar Odom’s new house. Khloe, wanting the best for Lamar’s recovering body, has rented him a home down the street from hers and it needs to be furnished. In her confessional (which, like the others, is shot like interrogation footage this season) Khloe mentions that she needs to get Lamar’s new home ready before her New York City press tour because he will be released from the hospital while she’s away. So she, Kris, and some happy go lucky Meridith Baer associate and relative Jamie Baer, do a walk-through of the home to see what furnishings it needs for a giant who was recently turned away from death’s door. After chatting with Jamie about how she wants the home to feel relaxing and serene, Khloe FaceTimes with Kim Kardashian West, who is “plotting her comeback” in a blonde wig. This scene was filmed on January 21, 2016.
Scene 3: Filmed on January 26, 2016
Shockingly, Khloe Kardashian visits another new home for the graveyard of men associated with this family, and this time it belongs to Scott Disick. Scott gives Khloe the grand tour of his self-admitted massive house. He has enough room for his existing kids and the ghosts of his past because this mansion is way too oversized for someone who will be living alone 97 percent of the time. While they walk through his new cut, Khloe jokes that he’ll one day have a girlfriend who will fill up all of his closet space, and Scott immediately reacts as if Khloe told him he could still get cooties. Khloe and Scott head into the kitchen, where they munch on sushi and sip that good old Kardashian family tea. Scott nearly chokes on his cuisine when Khloe tells him that just days prior, she showed up the home she shares with Rob Kardashian 30 minutes ahead of schedule and Rob was having the time of his life in her kitchen with Blac Chyna. Alcohol was strewn everywhere and it was a mess. Khloe claims not to care who Rob dates, but she just doesn’t want that drama in her personal space. Now that it’s there, however, Khloe asserts that Rob has “burned his last bridge.” This bombshell of a scene was filmed on January 26, 2016.
Scene 5: Filmed on January 13, 2016
Scott Disick joins Calabasas’ Matriarch Kris Jenner for a casual meeting of Bentley’s, followed by a lunch to discuss his struggles. Before the food even comes, Scott, who unfortunately looks perpetually and unchangeably sad, goes into his hardships adjusting to his new life. The one bright spot in all of this is that he’s “behind gates,” which to Kris Jenner, is basically like saying he won a medal of honor from President Barack Obama. Scott and Kris’ remarkably sad lunch was filmed on January 13, 2016.
Scene 6: Filmed on January 19, 2016
At Khloe’s house, Kylie visits her sister and picks at her eyelashes. After talking about pesky eye hairs, Kylie asks her sister about her upcoming “tour” to New York. Khloe tells her sister that she’s freaked out at just the thought of packing because her tour is conveniently timed with Lamar’s release from the hospital. This thread of a scene that ties the story of Khloe’s life together was filmed on January 19, 2016.
Scene 8: January 13-15th, 2016
Khloe Kardashian Takes New York for her Kocktails With Khloe press tour. In a whirlwind of a montage, the youngest wife in the Kardashian family visits show after show to discuss her own show and Lamar’s health. Still uncomfortable with Lamar questions because she doesn’t like “talking about someone else,” Khloe struggles through, but ultimately prevails. Khloe’s press tour was filmed over the course of 3 days— January 13th-15th, 2016 — nearly a week before she talked with Kylie about packing for the tour. I hope she remembered everything!
Scene 10: Filmed on January 14, 2016
While she’s still in New York, Khloe finds time to call her mother Kris Jenner to explain how ain’t shit her former stepfather Caitlyn Jenner is. Caitlyn is upset with Khloe for things she said while on her press tour and has been texting scathing comments to Khloe nonstop. Even though she doesn’t consider herself to be in the wrong when it comes to talking about Caitlyn (especially since she didn’t reveal any new information), Khloe doesn’t think Caitlyn has a leg to stand on because she “slaughtered” Kris Jenner in the press during last year’s Diane Sawyer interview. Khloe’s upset enough to contact Kris asking her to handle Caitlyn because she “doesn’t have a relationship with her” and is “done.” Khloe going off on Caitlyn via Kris was filmed on January 14, 2016.
Scene 11: Filmed on January 13, 2016
Kris Jenner sits in Kris Jenner’s house at Kris Jenner’s dining room table. Sadly, Kris only has a friend and an iPhone to help her film this scene where she calls Caitlyn to confront her about going off on Khloe. The conversation starts out calmly at first, but Caitlyn is unrelenting and thinks that Khloe deserves the verbal lashing she got. Kris, like Khloe, thinks that Caitlyn still has a ways to go before her Diane Sawyer and Vanity Fair transgressions are wiped away, so it basically doesn’t matter what Khloe said. After the two shout some things out, Kris breaks down in tears because Caitlyn has been in Khloe’s life since Khloe was five, and she should give Khloe a break. The conversation ends with Kris in tears and Caitlyn agreeing to calmly discuss things with Khloe if that’s what she wants. Then, similarly to a maniac, Caitlyn jauntily says “bye.” Kris is in the same outfit she wore to lunch with Scott in Scene 5, so we know that this was filmed on January 13, 2016 - or as we like to call it here in the #KUWTKE offices, the day before Khloe called Kris asking her to make like Olivia Pope and “handle it.”
Scene 12: Filmed on January 15, 2016
Model Kendall Jenner and her sister who participates in social media Kylie Jenner are at a photoshoot for their clothing line daringly named “Kendall & Kylie.” When the two are done posing, they pop a squat in a back room. Kylie dials up her sister Kimberly who spills some tea that Rob got his girlfriend Blac Chyna a whole new iPad situation as a gift. But according to Kendall, it’s not just any iPad; it’s the iPad, keyboard, and pencil she gave him for Christmas. Kylie gleefully takes the information from Kendall straight to Kim. Kylie is eating this up like a spoon filled with her Lip Kit cash and urges Kendall to call Rob and see what he says when confronted with his re-gifting. When Rob picks up, Kendall hits her brother with a “yo,” and then immediately launches into asking for her iPad back. Rob isn’t feeling this and tells Kendall that this is the first time she’s ever bought him a present, which doesn’t make sense, but it makes more sense than Kendall repeatedly telling Rob to “send me the link,” to some mysterious item. This lesson on gift giving was filmed on January 15, 2016.
Scene 13: Filmed on February 2, 2016
Kris Jenner takes her new BFF Scott Disick shopping at Williams-Sonoma so he can fill his big empty house with fancy things. Scott is intent on having a dinner party so he can “make pretend” that he’s “running a real household.” Kris immediately thinks that Scott should go for a Cape Cod style, but when Kourtney joins them for some extra camera time, she thinks that everything should be white. After agreeing with Kris Jenner’s tea kettle choices and telling Scott that knife sets belong in drawers and not on counters, Kourtney bounces. Kourtney’s palpably uncomfortable shopping trip with Scott and Kris was filmed on February 2, 2016.
Scene 14: Filmed on January 26, 2016
Kourtney has Kris, Corey, Kim, Khloe, Kylie and Larsa Pippen over for dinner. Kim first tells the group that she showed Larsa her vagina and Larsa thinks that it looks spectacular post-birth. After this, Khloe tells the room that Rob is no longer living with her. We can only assume it has a little to do with the fact that he was caught in her home with Blac Chyna, as she mentioned in Scene 3. Kim thinks it’s great that Khloe kicked him out but Kris thinks it’s “terrible.” Kylie then piles on and tells them that Rob is looking to buy the house right next door to Chyna. Sensing that Kris wasn’t too shocked, Khloe asks if she’s paying the down payment for her son. Kris claims that she wouldn’t buy a house for someone, but she would buy one for herself as an investment and then let someone live in it. But because Kris hasn’t turned on her son like the rest of her family, Khloe calls her “Cruella” and Kim begs Kris to not treat them like they’re “stupid.” This sets Kris clean off and the rock upon which the KUWTK system is built shakes and nearly rolls away. Kris is not having any.of.it. So, she breaks it down and makes them really realize that on the scale of 1 to What Have My Other Kids Done, Rob’s current situation is minuscule, especially because he wasn’t married for 72 days. After Kris’ reading, her kid’s faces are broken because there is really nothing left to say. Thankfully, Khloe was still turned up that night and posted this Instagram with the caption “Never go against the family,” letting us know that this was filmed on January 26, 2016, the day news about Blac Chyna and Rob went public.
Well, that’s all for the first episode of Season 12, dolls! This ride is going to be wild so keep that seat belt fastened low and tight until we land. Make sure to join me next week for another #KUWTKE re-cap of KUWKris Jenner’s Charity Cases. #FREEROB
Mariah Smith is writer and comedic performer who keeps up with the Kardashians. For more Keeping Up With The Kontinuity Errors click here. You can follow her on Twitter @mRiah.
Images via E!