Friends, beauty-lovers and Cthulu stans, we are really zipping along on our journey to find out which mythical creature will become the America’s Next Top Model of the beauty world.
Here are the results from yesterday, which was a whirlwind of voting, but ULTIMATELY worth it.
Let’s get into the results of the Creature Division!! Hippocamp (8) lost by a pretty wide margin to the Kelpie (9), because it’s better to be a horse that is also a person, but in the water. While we adore the avant-garde aesthetic of the Chupacabra (4), it’s clear that Fiona the Hippo (13) was going to win this round. You seem to really be into things with human heads, which is likely why Sphinx (6) overtook Cthulu (11). Narwhals (14) are fun because they’re aquatic unicorns; a Chimera (3) is too much Look. Congrats, sea unicorns. Noticing a trend here: Selkies (7) are human sometimes, so they clearly beat the Kraken (10). Though Totoro (15) is arguably cuter, you’d all rather be a half-bird, so a Harpy (2) won that round.
It’s heating up! It’s getting crazy! Here are your Fairy Tale results! We’re not entirely shocked that no one wanted to be an Ogre (8) and everyone wanted to be a Satyr (9), because I guess being part human is helpful. We are surprised that the Leprechaun (12) overtook the Giant (5). Everyone loves Elves (4) and hates the idea of being a waterfowl, so Ugly Duckling (13), sorry for your loss. Sirens (6), the goth, murderous mermaids, are way better than Hags (11), I guess. No one wants to be a Troll (3) and 68 percent of you want to be a Frog Princess (14); in other encouraging news, everyone wants to be a Gingerbread Woman (10) and is generally disinterested in being a regular old Princess (7). Nice. And finally, being Thumbelina (15) seems like more trouble than it’s worth, so by default (?), the elusive Nymph (2) takes the stage.
Let’s hustle and finish this shit up!
First up—Monsters.
Gorgons (8)—a regular woman, but with snakes for hair—probably photograph well on Instagram but present a unique but not totally insurmountable styling challenge. The Loch Ness Monster (9) is essentially Lana Del Rey but a sea creature—mysterious brooding, sad, etc—but with skin the texture of a wet suit and an air of mystery.
As a FrankenWOMAN (5), the fun part is that you’re basically a human being, but you’re also really, really sensitive and non-verbal, BUT you’re tall and sort of lumbering, so clothes might drape well. The trouble with the Babadook (12) is that you’re already a LGBTQ icon and so doing anything OTHER than living in a basement eating worms probably goes against your contract.
The fun thing about a Mummy (4) is that they’re already sort of chic, seeing as they’re pre-wrapped and dressed with a very specific aesthetic that doesn’t really waver. As a Cenobite (13)—those demons from Hellraiser that live in Hell and are sort of humanesque—you’ve already got a very specific aesthetic, but the various face mutiliations (e.g. Pinhead) present challenges and opportunity.
Is it rude to sandwich a lady Bigfoot and a lady Yeti (6) together? Maybe, but they both enjoy fur, cold weather and solitude in equal measure, which means that they are perfect A/W 2018 icons already. A Demon (11) is really just a fallen angel—a vibe that works nicely if Christian Audigier’s aesthetic ever makes a resurgence.
Something about the rogue and potentially genetically-mutated shark from Jaws (14) feels like she’d be an inspiration for people with orthodontia. Vampires (3) are excellent spokespeople for skincare, but drinking blood as a means of sustenance probably won’t go over with the wellness crowd.
As a WereWOMAN (7), you can still wear your people clothes, but you get a fun new look under the light of the full moon. A Dragon (10) offers a lot of opportunity for innovation in scale maintenance, but it’s hard to film makeup tutorials when all you do is exhale flames.
Zombies (2) have a taste for human flesh, but their everyday glam is easy enough for beauty vloggers to recreate en masse. The Lady Gremlin (15) is already working with a very strong look, so the brands would end up coming to her and not the other way around.
You’re doing great! You’re doing fine. You’ve made it to the Miscellaneous category, which is obviously the most fun.
As an Angel (8), you’re already, well, angelic, so there’s a host of tips and tricks out there that cater to what you already look like. A Dinosaur (9) makes a strong case for the untapped market of skincare targeted to rubbery skin.
It’s really quite hard to think of any beauty-adjacent positives that go with being the Jersey Devil (5), but their presence could usher in a new era of grotesque. A Golem (12) is essentially a walking mud mask—nice.
A Robot (4) has no real look and generally doesn’t wear clothes, but wouldn’t it be nice to move towards a more simple way of doing things? On the other hand, Slimer (13) is a green torso with no legs and a real zest for life. Honestly, if we could all embody Slimer’s general vibe, the world would be a much better place.
La Llorona (6) could be a way to re-ritualize mourning and veils are always a good look. A Unicorn (11) is a horse with a horn that is also very sad.
The fun thing about Aliens (3) is that the options for beauty integrations are endless—we have no idea what they look like! It could be anything! ON the other hand, Pikachu (14) is essentially the same shape and size and works with a pretty limited color palette.
We have a feeling the race between Goddess (7) and Superhero (10) will be a close one—both are human, but as a deity, you’d be asked to perform miracles all the time. Superheroes wear capes—the drama!—and can fly. Your call.
And finally, if a Ghost (2) loses to the Smoke Monster from Lost (15), we will be visibly upset. Ghosts are ethereal and fainly elegant, but everyone doesn’t necessarily believe in them :) The Smoke Monster, on the other hand, is basically an anthropomorphic smokey eye tutorial, so there’s that.
Click the buttons! Vote or die! Join us back tomorrow!