Lindsay Lohan, your favorite movie star who no longer does movies (after Christian Slater, obviously), is now doing books. Apparently, several publishers are really interested in a book project Lindz started working on in rehab — a YA series about a young paleontologist who finds a portal in the Natural History Museum that takes her back to a land before time, where she befriends several lost juvenile dinosaurs and shows them how to make fire, thus altering the historical timeline so that a race of intelligent lizard people rises up in place of humanity. Just kidding! The book is about rehab, being famous, and having Michael Lohan for a father.
Though the Book of Lohan is still in the conceptual stages — it started as a series of therapeutic journal exercises — it has reportedly drawn some interest from publishers, as well as completely speculative rumblings of six-figure advances. Lindzzzz met with a fancy New York literary agency on Thursday, and, as of right now, there's no hard evidence to suggest that Lindsay's book isn't actually a delightful YA romp through the bygone age of the dinosaurs. [TMZ]
- Ambulances were dispatched to Castle Bieber early Saturday morning after someone reported there was a 20-year-old unconscious woman at the house. A mere 15 minutes later, however, the woman apparently regained consciousness and the ambulances were called off at her insistence. Then she went home, made some toast, and binge-watched the new Netflix-accessible season of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Allegedly. [TMZ]
- Katie Couric will be a slightly less wealthy person now that she's a "global anchor" for Yahoo!, preferred email provider of luddites everywhere. [TMZ]
- The holiday party Seth MacFarlane threw was well-attended, in case you were worried that everyone would go to James Woods's party instead and poor Seth would be sitting alone at his grand piano made of elephant tusks, crying into a glass of Scotch as he serenaded a promotional Ted bear with a slippery rendition of "Baby, It's Cold Outside." [E!]
- Harry Styles ditched his mates to hang out with Kendall Jenner, now the least popular person in the YouTube comments section. [Daily Mail]
- Megyn Kelly isn't a racist, sez Megyn Kelly. [THR]
- Pope Francis isn't a Marxist, sez Pope Francis. [La Stampa]
- "Instagram Depresses Me," tweeted Jaden Smith in a delirious fit of irony. [Just Jared]
- Bruce Jenner has decided to postpone his Adam's apple-shaving surgery at least until after the holidays. [TMZ]
- Former KISS guitarist Ace Frehley watched his house go up in flames just in time for the holidays. [The Journal News]
- Paul Walker's family and friends held a small, private funeral. [TMZ]
- Sad: Nitro, a former American Gladiator, is being sued for $40K in construction equipment he rented to build an obstacle course for a charity event (the sad part, obviously, is that Nitro builds obstacle courses on a fairly regular basis, like a low-rent Hunger Games gamemaker). [TMZ]
- Sadder: Scott Ehredt, a deposed king from a Medieval Times in California, said he's owed money from a 2011 Medieval Times ad campaign he starred in. [TMZ]
- Saddest: Tami Erin, better known as Pippi Longstocking, was arrested Saturday afternoon for a felony hit and run/drunk driving incident in which at least one person was taken to the hospital. Her bail is set at $100K. [TMZ]
- Court testimony implied that cool mom Nigella Lawson smoked weed in front of her kids, then beat them handily at Arkanoid. [E!]
Image via Getty, Theo Wargo