The virtual Parade Across America this Inauguration Day was like a charming school talent show, a colorful montage of different states showcasing the various artistic talents of this country. There was hockey, fan-dancing, and, perhaps the most exciting, clogging, not to mention a small compilation of people skateboarding to Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams,” in the style of the famous TikTok trend. People painted and roller-skated their way through the virtual “parade,” and I was for the most part charmed.
But I found my brain wandering to the less celebrated American talents and traditions that are no less worthy of the television spotlight. I couldn’t help think that maybe in an attempt to showcase the melting pot that is America, the new administration left some crucial ingredients out of the pot. And so, here is a small list of American past times and icons that deserved their two minutes of fame.
- Ultimate frisbee players
- Ventriloquists
- Bodega cats
- Tri-state area Bar/Bat Mitzvah MCs
- Trader Joes employees that flirt with customers and compliment their purchases
- Snapewives
- The cast of Euphoria
- Chainsaw ice sculpture artists
- Those dancing blow-up tube men you see flailing outside of car dealerships
- Drag queens
- Professional bowling leagues
- Aliens (they exist and they’re living here, in this country, right now)
What talented group of American individuals do you think should have been in the Parade Across America?