Donald Trump Cut the Line to Vote

TRUMP TOWER – Not one known for his patience or ability to delay gratification, Donald Trump cut a two-hour line to cast his vote at PS 59 in Midtown Manhattan on Tuesday. “How come he gets to cut?” one voter asked. “He’s busy,” another answered.

A Trump impersonator entertained the restless crowd as they waited to catch a glimpse of the man himself. “These people say they hate me, but they can’t stop taking pictures of me,” he sneered. “If I lose I’ll probably throw myself off the top of Trump Tower,” he told Jezebel. “But I’m not going to lose.”

The crowd jeered Trump and his family as they left, though that didn’t stop Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner from stopping to pose for photographs. An older woman walking out of her apartment building admonished those heckling the Trump family: “Don’t boo—vote.” A younger woman replied: “What do you think we’re standing in line for?”

A Trump supporter holding court at the corner of 56th Street and Lexington Avenue, outside the polling place, said that Hillary Clinton “doesn’t have the energy to run the country. She only has the money. She needs to retire.”

“Maybe I do too, but not yet,” he added. “I love this country too much.”

A few blocks away, a Fordham University student from China who asked that his name be withheld was taking photographs of the public garden on the fifth floor of Trump Tower. He said that he supports Trump because he likes his positions on illegal immigration and political correctness.

“Different viewpoints need to be respected,” he continued, before explaining that the Republican presidential candidate’s positions have been misinterpreted. “When Trump says he wants to ban Muslims, he doesn’t really mean that. That’s never going to happen. What he really means is he wants extreme vetting.”

A Trump security guard then informed Jezebel that we needed “paperwork” if we were to conduct interviews on the premises—despite the fact that Trump Tower’s lobby and the fifth floor garden are privately-owned public spaces—and advised that we should go talk to people “downstairs” about how to acquire such paperwork. “Just be discreet,” the guard said.