In case you needed a reminder that corporations don’t care about you, that #TheResistance is already being co-opted as a marketing scheme, and that Kendall Jenner cannot act, Pepsi has released a very bad commercial to jog your memory.
Posted yesterday to YouTube, the so-called “short film” stars Kendall Jenner and features a song by Skip Marley—a grandson of Bob.
“A short film about the moments when we decide to let go, choose to act, follow our passion and nothing holds us back. Capturing the spirit and actions of those people that jump in to every moment and featuring multiple lives, stories and emotional connections that show passion, joy, unbound and uninhibited moments. No matter the occasion, big or small, these are the moments that make us feel alive.”
Let’s walk through this, shall we?
Somewhere in the happiest, most diverse city on the planet, a group of people are marching. What are they marching for? Who knows?! They’re carrying an array of vague, Pepsi-blue signs and they’re all very positive because this isn’t one of those rowdy, urban protests, ya know?
Here’s a woman in a hijab ruining her teeth with a can of Pepsi.
Are you wondering how Kendall Jenner plays into all this? Well the wait is over.
Kendall is posing and wearing a blonde wig so you know she’s modeling because yes, she models. She’s a model. Modeling. Pose.
Is Kendall practicing the pathological self-absorption she learned from her family? Sort of. Kendall casually watches the movement pass her by and doesn’t seem to care too much until a hot guy carrying a fucking cello through the streets gives her a smile and a nod. The Resistance just got sexy, y’all!
Kendall whips off that wig, smears her lipstick, gets her protest clothes on very quickly and hits the streets, weaving through the crowd with a grin on her face in patchy denim like we’re at goddamn Coachella.
Facing the crowd is a line of calm, well-dressed and extremely symmetrical cops. How do Kendall and Pepsi decide to solve this non-conundrum during this non-protest about the non-resistance? Why, they simply bastardize an iconic, oft-repeated moment from protests around the globe.
Remind you of anything?
Everyone cheers like she did something heroic and the cop turns to his buddy and is all: “Wow, it’s going to be super easy to overtake these idiots when Steve Bannon gives us his orders to kick off the second Civil War.”
Do you, like me, still have questions? Are you wondering what Pepsi was thinking? Would you love to know if their “woke,” brown, female CEO approved this? Could this ad possibly be more cloying, tone-deaf and stupid in the purest meaning of the word?
I’d love someone to get back to me. In the meantime, don’t drink Pepsi.