As any casual fan of the Real Housewives franchise can tell you, a vow renewal is the kiss of death to most marriages featured on the show. Vicki and Donn, Ramona and Mario, Peter and Cynthia, and more have all renewed their vows on air. They’ve also all gotten divorced.
But I mean it when I say that I hope for better with Shannon and David Beador, the Real Housewives of Orange County couple who—after a traumatic cheating scandal (and a ruined USC game)—have seemed to rebuild their marriage and respect for one another from the ground-up. On Monday night’s episode, the pair renewed their vows and now I’m praying to the lord above (Andy Cohen) that they keep making it work.
It was a beautiful occasion. David whisked Shannon off to celebrate her birthday (making up for failed birthday celebrations of the past), taking her to the resort where she got married and surprising her with all her friends.
“I was really excited to do this for you,” Heather told her in her Heather-y way, somehow managing to take full credit for all of David’s work as Terry flexed nearby in a too-tight leather motorcycle jacket. (Take a moment to imagine Terry Dubrow on an actual motorcycle.) Flipping Out’s Jeff Lewis was also there, openly sneering at Heather the whole time and it. was. beautiful.
Now, if that didn’t set the scene of romance for you, just you wait because next out of his bag of surprises, David pulled out the dreaded vow renewal—only this time it was, dare I say, really goddamn sweet. The couple’s daughters were there, David gave a cute speech, Shannon wept the whole time, only stopping to complain with a simple “I just wish I had my makeup done” (FAIR), and—oh, no—were those tears in my eyes? They certainly were. I don’t know, I guess I’m just really happy that Shannon—as she kept loudly announcing—got that bikini wax that morning.
It helped, of course, that Vicki and Kelly, the two gremlins of the O.C., were not invited—instead having to huddle together at the least fun looking dinner that I’ve ever witnessed, including the meal where my parents told us that we had to put the family dog down. (At least our dying dog could handle a jalapeño martini every now and then.)
“I feel like I’m something of a mentor to her,” Vicki—terrifyingly—said of Kelly in her confessional. “I just want her to be aware that these women do not. forget. a thing.”
Yes, it’s a real shame that none of the rest of the woman are willing to forget that Vicki let her boyfriend lie about having cancer because she wanted sympathy. Those bitches sure can hold a petty grudge!
Anyway, congrats to Shannon and David. While one unholy union (Vicki and Kelly) grew stronger, the Beadors’ love—and Shannon’s freshly tamed muff—will keep us afloat.