As a former tarantula parent, I can tell that tarantula is unhappy, judging from its posture. Tarantulas are not party animals. They are solitary creatures. Silently it is praying that someone will take that hat off and the party will end so it can climb back under its rock and watch cartoons. Spiderman, of course. Read more

I prefer the sequels. I Still, Still Know What You Did Two Summers Ago, and TBH I Don't Remember What You Did That Summer But I'ma Kill You Anyway. Read more

Nope. Read more

You gotta pay attention to the signs people. This sort of thing has historical precedent. First it's a little ectoplasm on the collar. Next the eggs in your fridge spontaneously boil. Before you know it you get home one night and she's on the recliner with a host of disembodied spectral hands doing whatever they…

Hello Mark, my name is Speedy the Geoduck. I'm the mascot for The Evergreen State College, and I'm here to infest your nightmares and devour your soul!

One eyed pug is not amused . . .

Spider-cat only wants to help take care of those pesky rats for you. Read more

I'm on my way to petco this very minute, but I'm not one to leave people hanging. Here's a picture of my dog Maya being great

I wouldn't date this guy cause I'm gay as fuck but I'd be his lesbro for sure and help feed his fish whilst playing video games. Read more

the dirty filmmaker (for those of you following along with this saga) and i met on tinder (my first actual tinder date ever!!!) and i knew i wanted to see him bc he asked what i was doing, i told him i was at the one direction concert, and he messaged me back 10 minutes later saying "i took a quiz to see which one i… Read more

OMG OMG OMG the love of my life, Wee-Bey, is out of jail and ready to mingle!

That last text:

One Tropical-as-Fuck Fish

Swagger. He's got it

This guy (this is a screenshot of a message to me) needs to meet her. I bet they have loads in common.

This is what Britney looks like when she determines you must be destroyed.

Shit's kawaii as fuck. Read more

If I have to sit on a seat built for a capuchin monkey, terrified to recline it lest I get stabbed, you bet I'm wearing sweats. I'd wear a toga if I had one. Read more