Man, what am I even supposed to say? Goodbyes can sniff my dong.

This golden retriever, much like your cousin Chad, cannot even fucking cope with his excitement about football…

Scarlett Johansson's baby finally came out of her! And it's a girl and her name is Rose Dorothy and she's probably…

Rejection is the pits. We know this. Professional rejection, academic rejection, organ rejection, and, most…

Apparently there's been some grumbling lately from people who identify as "Chris Pratt early adopters," unimpressed…

I'm mad at Ricky Gervais for a lot of things: for the monstrously dehumanizing way he talks about fat people; for…

Oh, thank goodness. One-man international diplomacy brain trust Phil Robertson—best known, thus far in his career,…

Genise Ruidiaz, a contortionist and dancer, was slated to perform in Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" routine at the VMAs…

Dallas police reportedly "swarmed" a high school after a "possible fetus" was found in the bathroom, and announced…

Let me tell you guys my idea of a perfect Christmas. You wake up like it's any other day—it might not feel like…

OH HOW I LOVE HER. Kristen Stewart continues to hoard all of the world's fucks in a massive underground ice lair,…

Eighty-five-year-old Alice Vaticano was supposed to be wheeled to the Southwest Airlines gate to catch her flight…

Dear Prudie is just a troll, right? That's her thing? Like, that time when she attempted to "help" a "gluttonous"…

Bad news for all you hopeless romantics out there. It seems that French Montana and Khloe Kardashian have "broken…

Today in A-DOOOYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, science has collected some hard data on a phenomenon called "sleep drunkenness"—also…

When I was a kid, we had two cats who came and went as they pleased via a cat door in our basement. Their names were…

Lizzy Caplan clarified today that she is "not" dating her Bachelorette costar James Marsden, because she's too busy…

Today in DON'T FUCK WITH SNAKES, a chef in southern China died when a spitting cobra he was preparing to cook bit…

Ladies. Please don't panic, please breathe, but there is a situation. It's salad. SALAD HAS BETRAYED US. Sam's Club…

SCAH-REW YEW, TERRY RICHARDSON. Nicki Minaj's "Anaconda" has officially overtaken Miley Cyrus's Terry Richardson-dire…