Angry Red-Faced Dad John Kasich Demands Everyone 'Take a Chill Pill,' Stop Saying He's Going to Lose

John Kasich appeared on CNN’s State of the Union Sunday, where he continued to insist that there’s definitely a good chance he could be president. There’s a quote here about confidence and mediocre white men. We’ll think of it.

The Republican nomination requires 1,237 delegates. Donald Trump is terrifyingly close, with 678. Ted Cruz is somewhat less close, with 423. And Kasich is not close at all, with 143 and no chance of making up the difference. But he insisted to CNN’s Dana Bash that not only is he still a viable candidate, but the only conceivable candidate.

“Do you believe there’s any way you and Ted Cruz could work together in a coordinated fashion from now through June to prevent Trump from getting the nomination?” Dana Bash asked.

“I don’t—I don’t—” Kasich began. “I don’t see how—look, Dana, here’s the thing. Everybody is focusing on process. Delegates here, delegates there. Everybody’s gotta face the fact that we’re going into an open, multi-ballot convention. That’s where we’re headed.”

At that point, Kasich said, the delegates will look at everyone “and their electability. And that’s fine. What’s everybody so panicked about? Everybody needs to take a little chill pill, to tell ya the truth.”

Leaving aside the fact that it is not at all embarrassing when John Kasich employs mid-90s slang to insist on his continued political viability, his goals are also specific and realistic. Bash proposed a scenario where Cruz wins delegates in the west and Kasich in the east, to prevent Trump from winning any more and kick-starting the actual Apocalypse.

“I’m thinkin’ we’ve got momentum!” Kasich replied. “I could go east and I could go west!”

So, denial. Denial is the strategy we’re going with here.