Oscars 2023 Red (Sorry, 'Champagne') Carpet: What the Celebs Are Wearing to Celebrate Themselves

Paul Mescal, please, please, PLEASE punch me in the face.

Someone needs to create a massive oil painting or huge sculpture of her in this look so that it can be admired and immortalized for eternity as the masterpiece that she (and it) is.

I’m underwhelmed but I’m not mad—except at that lazy half-train. But honestly, I’m more disappointed in Fendi than Zoe.

Tems, the Nigerian singer/songwriter, deserves the Oscar for Best Costume, Best Actor, Best Picture, Best Short, Best Long, Best Big, Best Small, Best Everything Everywhere All At Once. This is dress is unbelievable.

Julia brought her son to the ceremony, which is really sweet. And he’s hot! Happy for us all.

This is the most gorgeous, seductive couple I’ve ever seen in my life. Goddamn.

I know anytime someone wears a long black dress with gloves, everyone’s always like, oH mY gOd SuCh ClAsSiC HoLlyWoOd gLamOuR. But...oh my god, this is SUCH classic Hollywood glamour.

That feeling when you did the thing!

An interesting print? Check. Some fun accessories? Check. A color other than black or white? Not check, unfortunately. But two out of three is better than just another black tux. I’ll take it!

I always, always say, no one ever wears enough feathers. And in this color?? This is the best look of the night!!!!!!!

This could have done without the random side slits, but obviously, Rihanna can do whatever she wants (like never release her ninth studio album).

The Last of Us? More like the end of me.

Kate Hudson will forever and always be my 2001 Best Supporting Actress for her role in Almost Famous. I don’t like the dress, but that’s not the point here! Hudson should be an Oscar winner!

This is the absolute perfect dress to WIN an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress in. HSU! HSU! HSU!

I can’t really explain why, but this feels like what Ariel from The Little Mermaid would wear if she was going to a flapper-themed party. Into it!

Are all the attendees given ample notice about what color the carpet will be? Jamie Lee’s blending right in. I’d be pissed.

I am crazy into these sleeves and this turquoise wrap thing in a way that I’m fully confident I’ll be able to successfully recreate this myself this weekend.

This is really fucking boring. Respectfully, really fucking boring. I’m sorry, there’s literally no other way to describe this.

Sure. Fine. Solid Dress. Next.

This is glamour. This is HOLLYWOOD. This is the bar that everyone else needs to try and beat. So far, no one’s come even a little bit close. Fan is a STAR.

A little Batgirl couture! Fun!

Absolutely stunning, zero notes!

I have a lot of thoughts about Women Talking, but one of my biggest ones is that if you’re going to nominate a movie for best screenplay and best picture, you should also fucking nominate its director for Best Director.

The black and pink is giving me huge Regina George’s dress for the formal vibes. I think I’m into this? I think?!

I am begging the universe for a M3GAN champagne carpet appearance. BEGGING.

Oh. My. God. Please step on my fucking neck in those insane platforms. (Not sure about this duvet situation but from the chest up, she looks amazing.)

Cara recently revealed she’s four months sober after those rough airport paparazzi photos had everyone nervous about her last summer. She looks wonderful and healthy and I feel very happy for her<3

OK yes, she looks awesome. But, ugh, does she look awesome because of a certain diabetes drug that all the celebs are using nowadays? Mindy?? MINDY?!

I know she was in Top Gun: Maverick, but I also feel like I haven’t seen or heard from Connelly since He’s Just Not That Into You. (Text me back, girl.) But damn, happy to see her here! This gets an A++ from me.

LET’S. FUCKING. GO. Holy hell this is incredible. She is also dressed to win Best Supporting Actress!! Ugh, I’m torn over who I want to win now.

This is not my favorite dress! I’m sorry, Ana!

The grandfather from Everything Everywhere All At Once wore googly eyes on his bowtie because of the googly eyes in the movie. I’m obsessed with this man.

This isn’t quite as the iconic black Fleabag jumpsuit...but it is pretty damn good.

While Jessica Chastain always looks gorgeous...she has never wowed me on the red carpet. I am in desperate need of having someone to discuss this with so if you agree, please DM me.

Yes, get it daddy ;)

A perfect, graceful, stunning (OSCAR-WINNING?!) swan. (Is that a blinged-out Apple watch??) But again, the blending into the champagne carpet is not ideal. This would have ate on the red carpet.

If you explained what a Ryan Seacrest is to an AI, I’m confident this is exactly the image they would give you.

Our girl is feeling herself tonight.

Oh my god, it’s the stars of Taylor Swift’s I Bet You Think About Me music video! Good for them!

Ugh, Rooney Mara would wear this.

Here is some color and fun and excitement to bring your senses back to life after that last dress. As always, thank heavens for Salma Hayek.

I had to do a fucking quadruple-take. Damn Gaga.

Celebs! This was the year to wear COLOR! Does no one get the memo on the step-and-repeat carpet color? Is that a job that needs filling?? If it pays as much as I imagine it would, I’m happy to write that memo for next year.

If you had described this dress to me, I would have been like, eh meh, pass. But I’d have been very wrong! Consider me absolutely stunned.

Lydia Tár would have hated this. I can’t wait to see what the infamous Twitter account has to say about this.

a uevwobla saqvwqW2...Sorry just spat out my drink and dropped my jaw on the keyboard. I need a minute.

There is not a damn crease or wrinkle or ripple in sight. How did she do it?! I am out of breath here.

I’m anxious that I fucked something up and she’s about to punish me. But in a hot way!

I mean...the pink lace is pretty. I guess?

Someone CLEARLY got the carpet memo. Brava, Melissa. I’m obsessed.

I typically prefer men to try and get somewhat funky with their ensemble, but he looks sharp as fuck so he gets a pass.

Now this is funky and interesting. The hair, the dress, the vibe: It’s all a lil risky, a lil unexpected, but Jesse went for it and it really paid off.

I love Ke. <3 Please refer to the Michael B. Jordan comment.

There is a lot going on here, and I can’t really figure out any of it. Is she wearing white jeans? (No, but like...is she?)

Consider this my official announcement that I am a lifelong disciple of Ms. Halle Berry. I will do anything that leg orders me to do.