22 Topical Halloween Costumes for 2022 That Are Actually Funny

Grab some paper that matches your skin and wrap it around your fingers. Done! Alternatively, you use rubber bands to strap some real hot dogs onto your flesh claws. Or wear some giant gloves? However you choose to interpret this delightful scene from Everything Everywhere All at Once, you’re bound to have a blast struggling to eat, drink, or go to the bathroom.

Wear whatever stupid outfit you think Brett would wear to eat caesar salad and ribeye. (Or a judge’s robe, if you have one lying around.) Add a baseball hat, sunglasses, and make a little bib with the Morton’s steakhouse logo. Spend the evening trying to sneak out of rooms and make a scene, if anyone tries to offer you anything other than beer.

“I have the best advice for women in business,” Kim Kardashian famously told Variety in March. “Get your f—king ass up and work. It seems like nobody wants to work these days.” She makes a great point. Who honestly wants to work in these unprecedented times? Especially when grinding away at your nine-to-five won’t even get you a tiny fraction of what some certain celebrities make from a single Instagram post. Anyway, dress up like you just emptied your 401K and told everyone and everything to fuck off :)

After the Supreme Court’s draft opinion on Roe v. Wade leaked in May, some frightening monsters unleashed the most horrific protest sign imaginable on the sidewalk outside Sen. Susan Collins’ (R-Maine) house. Their warning? “Susie, please, Mainers want WHPA —–> vote yes, clean up your mess.” Their means of torture? Chalk. Collins heroically called the cops.

The WHPA stands for the The Women’s Health Protection Act, which would have cofidied the right to abortion into federal law. Clearly, that did not happen—how could Collins possibly be expected to think straight, let alone vote for something that would ensure women’s reproductive rights are protected, after being traumatized with a polite message written with a child’s summertime toy?

Anyway, wear a little chalkboard draped over your neck with a pro-abortion message and enjoy scaring the shit out of your friends, neighbors, and Republicans.

All you need is a pair of white jeans, a black tank, a black lacy bralette, and absolutely zero apologies for enjoying your life, and you’ll be automatically transformed into Sanna Marin—probably the only politician in the world I’d invite to a Halloween party.

The oldest Kardashian-West kid created this viral look—writing “Stop” on the back of her Jean Paul Gaultier invitation—in seconds. And you can too. Some black sunglasses, a white blouse, and a sign that you create the moment you arrive at your destination. Obviously, the best part is that this costume literally requires you to side-eye anyone you don’t feel like bothering with.

Just like the number of Leo’s ex-girlfriends under the age of 25, there’s an infinite number of ways to make this into a costume. Have a big group? One of you is Leo, the rest of you are the exes. OR the rest of you can be the different stages in the “lifecycle” of an ex. From a shiny, new 24-year-old girlfriend to an aged-out 25-year-old. Or have every ex wear a sign explaining why they broke up with him, but all the signs say: “My frontal cortex finally developed.” I could go on and on. Will let you take it from here.

In security footage shown during the Senate Committee hearings for Jan 6., Sen. Josh Hawley (R-Mo.) can be seen running out of the Capitol after the rioters, who he helped rile up, broke into Congress and got a little too riot-y for his comfort. Wear a suit, tuck a manilla folder under your arm, scurry around like a little shit, and keep your expression dumb and hypocritical.

A daring but easy way to be hot and funny. The challenge is to wear the most amount of black and denim in the least amount of clothing, with alarming Black Swan-esque eye makeup. Turn this into a couple’s costume by both of you wearing all denim and one of you wearing giant black boots...but not with a “White Lives Matter” t-shirt underneath. That not funny even for Halloween.

In September, NASA purposefully and successfully crashed a spacecraft into an asteroid they’ve repeatedly described as “nonthreatening” and “poses no threat to Earth.” Nice! Which is exactly what you’ll need to be if you dress up as Dimporhos. Wear all grey and be obnoxiously wonderful to everyone.

If you never got rid of your Walkman headphones, then you’re probably a hoarder, but you can also dress up as what is sure to be remembered as one of the best memes of 2022. Leave all your expressions at home, and hang a sign around your neck with a little joke: “Me, coming to this party despite the night being cold and my bed being warm.” Or something.

Bonus: Add a little spit to your face.

Across the east coast, the call to squish, squash, and smash the tree-killing but beautiful spotted lanternfly has been loud and enduring. In the world of this invasive species, it’s the end times. Wear something that looks like a spotted lanternfly (pink wings with polka dots and a headband with pipe cleaners???) and celebrate as such. This is a rare opportunity to honestly express what living through an apocalypse as a bug means to you.

Wear beige with pink shoes. Cover one of your eyes with a bandana. Or stick a giant googly eye on the side of your head. I don’t know, get creative. Most importantly, get a piece of string and tie it to a ball of something dirty and gross.

The James Webb telescope—Hubble’s hotter, younger, more powerful successor—was launched in December. By July, the $10 million scope beamed back the clearest, most gorgeous images of the universe humans have ever seen. But Hubble is still puttering around space. You could do something like wear tin foil, act kind of mopey, and take blurry photos of your friends all night. Or, have your friend dress up as the Webb telescope and make them take gorgeous photos of you all night.

The scariest thing about Halloween this year is that the midterms are only eight days after October 31st. In April, Dr. Mehmet Oz, a New Jersey resident running for the Senate in Pennsylvania (spooky!) tweeted a video of himself getting “crudités” for his wife. He got really angry about the price of vegetables because it “doesn’t even include the tequila!” Your costume will include the tequila.

Another great opportunity to carry around a bottle of tequila all night. Charge $15 a shot and blame it on Biden. You could also indulge in a different kind of mind-altering activity, and when someone asks, “What are you?,” just respond “I’m gas prices,” with a wink ;)

Taylor Swift had to do a bunch of work to create Midnights. (Then she had to win a VMA for Video of the Year to announce it!) All you have to do is get some blue eyeshadow and a lighter. (A healthy dose of Gaylorism doesn’t hurt either.)

Surely, you have a pack of multicolored post-its lying around somewhere. Stick them to your shirt, make a sign, or carry around a poster board. Use this format to send a message like, “Would Prefer TwoBe InBed.” Or, pick your favorite word and have people try to guess it. If they get it wrong they have to Venmo you $5. If they get it right, then good for them, their score is probably better than mine.

If you have the chance to really commit to this—to roll around naked on a rug with a book and a dog—I think you should go for it. But if you’d like to be vertical for the majority of your night, I suggest a nude bodysuit and a stuffed animal. If you don’t already have a copy of Jonathan Franzen’s The Corrections just laying around, as Emily does, then don’t bother. This is clearly not the costume for you.

New York’s bizarre and hard-partying mayor is also a crystals girl. Eric Adams, who wears energy stone bracelets himself, loves to highlight that New York City sits on a bed of quartz and labradorite—and that it gives the city a “special energy.” Sure! Why not! Wear a sign that says “Bing Bong, New York City!,” have your friends dress up in bright, iridescent colors, and rock the night away.

TikTok trends last about four hours, but I’m confident in suggesting that you should still get a bald cap and red bodysuit and awkwardly Samba-Shimmy-Two-Step around everyone all night. Make a friend, make an enemy, make the highlights of everyone’s Instagram story—since it’ll probably be another month before IG-exclusive users even learn about Horace.