Alex Rodriguez is doing his best to remain at the top of the breakup leaderboard—but perhaps he is trying a little too hard? After his much-discussed birthday trip to St. Tropez, A-Rod posted a picture of himself to his Instastory, obviously feeling cute. It was a very average photo, but the caption was something very different. “Stepping out with the big D energy... determined, darling & dapper AF,” Rodriguez chose to write, despite the fact that he has enough money to have someone write something better for him.
The D stands for dick, Alex, which is what you look like when you write “jokes” like this.
Perhaps A-Rod chose these words because he didn’t want to falsely advertise the size of his schlong lest his ex decide to write a post of her own, but come on, man: dapper? No one ever won a breakup narrative by proving themselves to be the most darling and dapper. This attempt to bring new meaning to the D also opens up the opportunity for other horrible people, like me, to apply their own D-words to the conversation.
ARod is stepping out with big dad bod energy. Big dumped by a 52-year-old energy. Big didn’t-he-use-steroids-so-why-does-he-still-get-to-commentate-during-Yankees-games energy. Big dumb caption energy. Big damn-how-much-teeth-whitening-does-a-person-need energy.
- Someone called CBS Studios to leave a threatening racist message for Wayne Brady. [TMZ]
- Jonah Hill has a new tattoo. [TMZ]
- Kathy Griffin is soon to undergo surgery for lung cancer. [People]
- Kit Harington was amazed to discover fatherhood lasts forever. [Us Weekly]
- Coco Austin still chooses to breastfeed her five-year-old daughter and I have no come back for that because I am childless. [E!]
- Travis Barker got some new tooth bling. [Page Six]
- Sarah Jessica Parker understands the importance of sunscreen and a good beach read. [Page Six]