What is on your walls, teens? Is it all just holograms and memes these days?
Teens, if you don’t develop photos at the drugstore anymore and you don’t read magazines anymore, how do you splatter your personalities all over the white walls of your suburban cages? How will your parents and fellow teens be alerted of your unique and rebellious personality?
I’ve been wondering about this lately.
Are magazine collages just something lonely women with vision boards do now? They used to be the ultimate teen medium of expression. Now you teens just Snapchat pictures of your junk to each other, huh?
Do you guys print out clever Yik-Yaks and tack them to your wall?
How do y’all make your Fiona Apple thinspo shrines without magazines? Or CD librettos?
We used to have disposable cameras and we would take pictures of our friends and we would tape them to the wall because our parents were like, “DON’T LET ME CATCH YOU PUTTING HOLES IN THE DAMN WALL!” You couldn’t adjust the flash and there was no such thing as iPhoto so we often appeared ghostly pale and with red demon eyes.
Do you teens do that thing where you make a peace sign and then stick your tongue between your fingers? That was the height of transgression in 1999.
What analog, tactile thing do you guys like to put your grubby hands on, aside from one other? The joy of magazines and photos were their glossy textures and the bird wing flapping sound of rustling paper. The perfume ads alone were an erotic buffet for the senses. Did you know that before the drones and Justin Bieber’s bulging pubis, Calvin Klein ads meant something?
Do you guys even like band posters?
Without record stores, where do you even buy posters? At your dry hump-parties during Coachella? How do you even afford Coachella?
Does the name “Korn” even mean anything to you?
Do you teens even listen to music?
Or do you just listen to the spectral sounds of your parents’ soda streaming machine bubbling into melon water and wait for the Meow Meow to take effect?
OR DO YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT THE WALLS THAT MARK ZUCKERBERG OWNS?!?!?!
Teens, we must know. Send me pictures of your bedroom walls. Don’t make it weird.
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